One of my dearest friends past away recently. She was not famous, did not win the Nobel Prize, walk the red carpet, or have a hit song that was number one on the charts. Like me, she was a survivor. I met her in a support group at a Women's center in Tennessee. We were a circle of women who met in a small room. My thoughts are taken back to that time in my life. I am not a poet but I felt I should share the poem at the end of this blog post ~ as a tribute to my friend and other women encircled by the secrecy and shame of abuse. The lines with all caps are stanza or titles of hymns.
"The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit." Prov. 15:4.
.... .... .... Truth and love go hand in hand. Deceit and abuse go hand in hand. If you are a deceitful person you are abusing someone, somewhere. I have hurt so many people in my life and I hate the thought that I ever became abusive in my speech and manner. My friend Melba, was the most gentle spirit I ever knew. Her tale of abuse was 100 times worse than mine and yet I never heard anything from your mouth that was abusive. I will miss her dearly.
Dear Lord, I come to you heavy with grief for all those souls that have been abused by deceivers and liars. Help them find You and put their trust in You only. You are the great healer. Lord, please forgive me when I am not totally honest with others, when I hold back my sin and pretend I am "normal". I am so arrogant sometimes and I give advise so freely, without thinking how it sounds to others. Help me remember that Your words are light- not my words. You are the Way. Please take me ~ this broken, scarred vessel and let Your light shine through. In your name I make this prayer ~ Amen
The Circle
“WE GATHER TOGETHER TO ASK THE LORD’S BLESSINGS…”
as we did from the beginning.
Then, the only answer we received –
was inconceivable, unthinkable, and unconscionable.
Now we huddle close, chair touching chair;
A group of survivors.
While other women work
have afternoon teas
or read romance novels –
we speak with varied voices
of incest’s iniquities
rape’s ravages
and the pain we share.
“BLEST BE THE TIE THAT BINDS…”
we feel safe – bound together
against the huge wall of denial –
A wall that keeps us separated from “normality”;
A wall that keeps the outside world safe
from unpleasant thoughts:
“ Oh… they just imagined it…."
"It never happened…."
"Father would never…"
"Mother would never…"
"Brother would never…"
"Reverend Jones would never…"
"Dr. Smith would never…"
"It never happened…"
"...Never happened!”
“IN THE HOUR OF TRIAL…”
we speak of what did happen
-fear making voices waiver
-fear that it will somehow happen again.
We will do anything to stop the pain –
Run, take drugs, drink,
Be crazy, get help,
Gain girth – so we will be bigger
than our abuser was-
larger than our fears
Help is hardest;
Peeling away the burnt fleshy layers of
Heart and mind.
Peeling away
Layers uncovering rage as strong as atom bombs;
Layers of such sadness that it would take ten
Thousand mourners
A thousand years to mourn;
Layers of guilt -
branded with the numbers – the dates
of shameful, unspeakable deeds –
scorched skin seared with words:
“You’re dirty…You’re bad…You asked for it!
You deserve it…It’s your fault!
It’s your fault!”
“WILL THE CIRCLE BE UNBROKEN,
BY AND BY LORD, BY AND BY…”
A sisterhood of survivors
we inch forward.
Together, we will not be denied!
Together, we will stop the abusers.
Together, we are millions –
Circling the globe with healing.
® 1991
(All caps = Titles of hymns)
"If the LORD had not been on our side when people attacked us, they would have swallowed us alive when their anger flared against us; the flood would have engulfed us, the torrent would have swept over us, the raging waters would have swept us away. Praise be to the LORD, who has not let us be torn by their teeth. We have escaped like a bird from the fowler’s snare; the snare has been broken, and we have escaped. Our help is in the name of the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth." Psalm 124:2-8
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