Black and Blue

 

Black and Blue

My brother played little league baseball and I would watch from behind the fenced backstop. One time I had my nose and fingers sticking through the fence and wham! the batter threw his bat as he ran and I got a bloody nose, bruised fingers and a black eye. After that I would flinch every time I heard the crack of a baseball hitting a bat.

Family life behind closed doors was not easy. I learned to be afraid and overprotective of my body and my soul and my mind. Over the years, with God's help - I have learned that I cannot control life and there will be "black eyes" and I will feel black and blue often in my life. Hebrews 11:17 - Abraham was forced to sacrifice his son but at the last moment, God spared him this sorrow. Abraham believed God would fulfill His promises and was ready to do the unthinkable, the unbearable.

"Blessed is he who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." James 1:12

I am promised that if I get out there and keep believing, no matter what trial comes, how painful it may be ~ when "game over" is called ~ a crown and eternity with the Lord is around the corner.

 Dear Lord, Your mercy is amazing! Thank you for keeping me alive this long and healing my battered soul and mind - year after year. Thank you for your Word which quenches my thirst and gives me direction as a travel to a healthy place here on earth. Help me to live a fearless life and put my trust in You every day, even when life becomes painful. Help me look at Your Son for my example on how to treat abusers. Lord please forgive my family and help them see how useless a life spent hiding secrets is... let them see the truth and stop denying the family "sins". Through Your Son's name, the Rock of my Salvation, I plead, Amen

Fresh Indoor Landscape

Fresh Indoor Landscape

It is a new year! Spring 2013 is around the corner. The Lord has given me the strength to live through 2012 that was filled with good and bad, ups and downs. There is still much to deal with but the boxes of bank statements, old photographs, and other papers are sorted and stored. There is a feeling of rightness and peace after cleaning out all the corners and reaching the bottom of a box of dusty bank statements.
The heart is much harder to "clean". It is harder to organize the chaos there. The corners of the heart are more guarded and blocked by endless cobwebs of scars from my past. God through His great mercy, has cleansed me and that continual "cleaning" and forgiveness gives me great hope and peace today.

Psalm 51 also helps me today:"What you're after is truth from the inside out. Enter me, then; conceive a new, true life.
Soak me in your laundry and I'll come out clean, scrub me and I'll have a snow-white life.
Tune me in ~ to foot-tapping songs, set these once-broken bones to dancing.
Don't look too close for blemishes, give me a clean bill of health.
God, make a fresh start in me, shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life.
Don't throw me out with the trash, or fail to breathe holiness in me.
Bring me back from gray exile, put a fresh wind in my sails!" (The Message)

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" 2 Cor. 5:17

Lord God, thank you for allowing me to remain here, on earth for another year. Help me to walk in the light of Your grace. I have sinned greatly and I have allowed food and my need for food to control my life. Help me to clean out the dark places of my life. Guide me past the scars that are blocking my way to the new life you have ready for me. Thank you for sending Your Son, Jesus to live, die, and live again - all so that I could stand in Your holy presence - a new, forgiven creation. When I think of Your love for me, I want to celebrate! You are worthy to be praised! It is in Your Son's name I pray this prayer, Amen.

Kenosis vs. Fame

"Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn't think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn't claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death—and the worst kind of death at that—a crucifixion. Because of that obedience, God lifted him high and honored him far beyond anyone or anything, ever, so that all created beings in heaven and on earth—even those long ago dead and buried—will bow in worship before this Jesus Christ, and call out in praise that he is the Master of all, to the glorious honor of God the Father. " Philipians 2:5-11

Christ's gift to me can never be matched ~ by anyone, anytime in history. It is the story of God's grace and His love for me ~ His love for everyone who hungers and thirsts for life beyond sin, beyond death. Christ emptied Himself, became man and died for me! Kenosis is the Greek word used by early Christians and Paul. It is the Greek word used in Philipians 2:7. It means self-emptying.

Do I see this very often in everyday life? Not really. But I am always looking for examples of Christ in this world. People willing to empty themselves, humble themselves and let God have all the glory for their actions and successes.

 

Below are two videos about Colt McCoy that demonstrates this "kenosis" in the real world.
(I am not a football fan but can appreciate someone like Colt's faith in the face of the unknown and pain; when peer pressure and media try continually to make you into a hero. Listen to what Colt does with his "fifteen minutes of fame" at this time in his life.).

Lord, I come before you now and ask for your help. I walk in the world, as myself, and I find it difficult to empty myself. I want so much to be Christ-like, or a Christian ~ in the world. Lord, You are worthy to be praised! The gift of Your Son on the cross is a gift beyond comparing. That He fought death and decay and came from the tomb victorious ~ for my sins ~ is unbelievable! Help my unbelief... Just like He was raised from death to walk a new life ~ I have been raised, redeemed from sin's darkness and shackles ~ to walk a new life. Thank you is such an insignificant phrase for such a glorious gift. Lord, I come before you today ~ hungering and thirsting for your words ~ for the retelling of the Salvation Story; the story of the life, death, burial, and resurrection of the Son of God. With a heart of full of longing and praise, I pray this prayer in Christ's name, Amen.

Bearable Vastness of Being

Bearable Vastness of Being

One of my favorite movies is Contact, taken from the novel by Carl Sagan. Ellie is an orphan who believes only what she can prove scientifically. In the end she has an experience that changes her into a person of faith, believing what she cannot prove. In the end she says, "For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love" .

 

 Some people are afraid of vast places or big sky country or staring down from high places. I understand these fears. For me it is heights that make my knees weak. Also when I am driving on an interstate and it spreads out to four or five lanes on each side. Perhaps it is the fear of losing control because there are too many lanes and cars to watch. I am not sure. Playing soothing music - such as instrumental hymns helps me slow my heart rate down. I pray for my safety and for the safety of others around me and try to breath and let God be in control. God has given me control of a car but I still have fear.

 

Humans have made so many things to make our labors lighter and faster. Perhaps our fears have to do with putting trust in our own creations or putting trust in ourselves.

I feel the closest to God when I am in big sky country, with the stars spanning the skies - hugging me all around. I guess we all have our times where the vastness is unbearable. But there are times and places where the vastness is not only bearable but peaceful and reassuring.

 

Psalm 8 says that we have been created to control many things on this earth but I guess the key is to know that it is God who created everything and controls everything ~ and everyone.

"Lord our Lord, your name is the most wonderful name in all the earth!
It brings you praise in heaven above. ....I look at your heavens,
which you made with your fingers. I see the moon and stars,
which you created. But why are people even important to you?
Why do you take care of human beings? You made them a little lower than the angels
and crowned them with glory and honor.
You put them in charge of everything you made. You put all things under their control: all the sheep, the cattle,
and the wild animals, the birds in the sky, the fish in the sea,
and everything that lives under water. Lord our Lord,
your name is the most wonderful name in all the earth! " Psalm 8

Lord God, I am so unworthy to be called your child, your creation. I do not honor your creation sometimes and race forward through the day until I am tired and full of fear. I try to cope by eating, and like a car that is out of control on the interstate - my life once again, feels out of control. The more I get out into the world to do your work, the more I am tempted to do things using my own power and reasoning. This only causes me to fail more. Please Lord, help me to start each task with the goal of glorifying you only. I need your love more than anything else. Thank you for showing me that love in the life, death, and resurrection of your perfect Lamb, your Son. Your name is truly wonderful! Through Jesus name I pray today, Amen.