Step Three - Unto Thee Oh, Lord - Do I Lift Up My Soul

In Recovery Meditations by Carolyn she mentions that the spirituality needed to overcome compulsive eating is a process. I was talking to someone on the phone about what I had learned so far in my first 30 days of Overeater's Anonymous.  There are so many new thoughts, feelings, and concerns that have come to light but the biggest thing that keeps popping up in my daily life is a 'lightness".  I am confessing my plans and my failures to a sponsor and other OA members almost every day. Even though I "feel terrible" when I do not keep to my eating plan, the feeling is not overpowering. Eighty percent of the time I stop the binge, stop the negative thoughts (like "what's the use!"), and I pray, then I make the climb back to my meal plan. How is this possible? Here are some reasons that I can think of:

1. My concept of God is changing. The God of my parent's religion was a God of only black and white. If you stayed in the light of "truth" (or their opinion or translation of the truth) then you were saved and pleasing God. If you stuck your pinkie toe a smidgen from that path of light or their truth that was plucked from the Bible - then you were doomed. They quote I John chapter 1 but then do not tie in I John 2:9-11 "Anyone who claims to live in God’s light and hates a brother or sister is still in the dark. It’s the person who loves brother and sister who dwells in God’s light and doesn’t block the light from others. But whoever hates is still in the dark, stumbles around in the dark,  doesn't know which end is up, blinded by the darkness."    OA is all about the light of love and acceptance and there is a welcoming spirit, a sense of safety. I never feel like I am blocked from God's light.         
2. My concept of who I need to be to follow God's plan for my life is changing.  "I’m telling you, once and for all, that unless you return to square one and start over like children, you’re not even going to get a look at the kingdom, let alone get in. Whoever becomes simple and elemental again, like this child, will rank high in God’s kingdom. What’s more, when you receive the childlike on my account, it’s the same as receiving me."    Matt. 18: 2-5.  "Don’t push these children away. Don’t ever get between them and me. These children are at the very center of life in the kingdom. Mark this: Unless you accept God’s kingdom in the simplicity of a child, you’ll never get in.”     Mark 10:15  So when I was talking to an OA member on the phone, I compared myself to a child. When a child does something wrong it is scolded and disciplined but does it stop life and moan and groan for days or give up and say "what's the use in living?"  No! With in a short time a child forgets and runs with arms outstretched to her father. The child knows that her father is fair and just and only disciplined out of love.  I want to be that child who runs back to God with arms outstretched and can only see the Father's light in front. The focus is not on worrying about putting one toe out of the light  (or eating a candy bar) but on running full force toward love. "Face the Son and all shadows are behind you."
3. I have a new support group that I can be the real me with. What a difference this has made in my life. I have always felt I had to be "on stage" and an example of all things "good and right".  I can't do this! I am not the light of the world. God is! So my fellow OA members accepting me the way I am is so freeing.

Oh Lord, my God, Help me take each day One Day at a Time . . . I will take Step Three this day, turning my will and life over to the care of you My God.  In Christ's name I pray, Amen