100% Cloud Cover

100% Cloud Cover

Today, once again, I search for the right path, the correct way to behave, the right thing to say. I used to spend so much time thinking about food, dreaming about food, numbing out with food.... There has been more time to be "real" now, more time. That thought scared me to death and the reality of my life became too much to bear. I stopped writing on this blog. I became out of control again with eating candy but thankfully did not gain weight. My A1C level went up and that scared me. Compulsive eating was taking over and thoughts of food ruled my mind. 
 I remembered that the Israelites were slaves and then had freedom. What did they do when they had the whole world ahead of them and freedom waiting to be grasp? They wanted to go back into the "security" of slavery. So God gave them something to do. They gathered manna, they got organized, and then they built a place for the presence of God - a place for God to dwell while He was with them.

"Then the cloud covered the Meeting Tent, and the glory of the Lord filled the Holy Tent..... When the cloud rose from the Holy Tent, the Israelites would begin to travel,³⁷ but as long as the cloud stayed on the Holy Tent, they did not travel. They stayed in that place until the cloud rose. ³⁸ So the cloud of the Lord was over the Holy Tent during the day, and there was a fire in the cloud at night. So all the Israelites could see the cloud while they traveled." Exodus 40:24-38

With God as their guide there was no doubt about which path to take or where they would go. They simple had to follow. He was not distant, but an ever-present guide and companion. Their job was to exercise their faith, be patient, and be ready to follow when the cloud lifted. I need to remember that God is the same as yesterday. He has given me His Holy Spirit to guide me on this journey - this new life of freedom and choices. He asks me to trust Him and have faith.

I have had information about Overeater's Anonymous squirreled away for a few years. God has put the thought in my mind lately that I need to find a "tribe" or family of people that share the same problem, acknowledge that they can't "diet" away the pain, and that can share the journey with me.  

Lord God Almighty, help me to willingly wait for Your timing and to be ready to go at Your command. Lord, help me to hold up Your Son's life as a mirror, as a map. Give me strength for the journey and let Your words be the food that gives me strength each day. Just like the Israelites brought idols with them - hidden away, I have my addiction to food and the voices from abusers ringing in my ears. The addiction to food slows me down and blocks me from seeing You and the voices from my past lie and spread anger and hate. Help me to be truly free of these things and to look only at Your holy presence. Lord, I have been alone for so much of this journey. Please help me find the right "tribe" or group to travel with out of the wilderness of compulsive overeating.  Lord, I can never thank you enough for sending Your Son as a sacrifice, so the veil could be torn and I could freely come, cleansed and forgiven into Your Holy presence. You are worthy to be praised! In Jesus - the High Priest's name, in Christ - my Redeemer's name ~ I plead for Your daily guidance, Amen.