Raging Flood

 

Raging Flood

I have been reading Max Lacado's book "Traveling Light" which is a study of Psalm 23. He talks in great length about David the shepherd and what sheep are like. The idea of "still waters" at this time in my life is very appealing. I also love these scriptures:

Isaiah 12:3 - "With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation."

Isaiah 49:10 - "They will neither hunger nor thirst, nor will the desert heat or the sun beat upon them.
He who has compassion on them will guide them and lead them beside springs of water."

Have I mentioned that I have been having nightmares a great deal? Floods! In every kind of dream! I will be dreaming about rushing around to get ready for the estate sale (which is thankfully over with). Then all of sudden the floods come rushing or darkly creeping in.  My nights are filled with dreams of raging floods or swirling high water. One online source says the dreams represent: "emotional issues and tension (duh!). Your repressed emotions are overwhelming you. (I'll say!). Consider where the flood is for clues as to where in your waking life is causing you stress and tension." So, most of my floods are family related, death related, and near my Dad's home or my own home. I am either trying to save my Dad or my brother or me. ... ... ... ...

There is nothing I can do about Dad since he has passed away. Today  I remembered a time when I took Dad to the dentist and sat in a chair and watched. I was remembering how he made everyone laugh, made everyone feel at ease. Thinking about that time made the flood of emotions crash down on me and I began to cry!

 

When it comes to dealing with my mentally ill brother and the rest of my family - this scripture came to mind today:

Hebrews 11:7 - "By faith Noah, when warned about things not yet seen, in holy fear built an ark to save his family. By his faith he condemned the world and became heir of the righteousness that comes by faith." ... ..

 

. ... My problem is that I cannot save my brother and my family is and was always a mess! They would not get into the ark of "normality". Dysfunctional to the core! Secrets, denial, suicides in every generation, alcoholism, eating disorders, and on and on. My brother will not take meds and fearfully roams around convinced conspiracies are in every bathroom, gas station, everywhere! All I can do is pray for my family. Since my Dad's death I have not heard from them.

 

 So will I be condemned to dream of floods forever? Do I sound like a silly sheep? Probably. I will try to work on the overwhelming feelings, emotional issues, etc. in therapy, also continue to praying and study the word. In the mean time, I try to fill my mind with helping others, doing what I can do, and music:

Lord, thank you for saving me over and over again from the flood. I cannot survive life's overwhelming sorrows, confusion, and pain without your love and forgiveness. You are my savior, my captain, my life. Forgive me when I do not trust you. In the name of my savior I pray, Amen.

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