Truly Lovable

Truly Loveable

Have you ever felt unloved, unlovable? I spent the last part of the week going old family color slides from my Dad's house. I was the trustee and have kept them under my bed for two years. I will scan a few from each trip or holiday and throw the rest away. As the quiet settled in and the rain began to fall from a grey sky, I felt quite alone, so dejected. The task ahead seemed overwhelming because I am alone in this job with no help from family members. They would condemn me if I were to just discard the pictures but because I am retired and have so much time on my hands they feel I should be the one to "deal" with the estate.

This feeling of abandonment in the face of what seems to be impossible brought back old feelings ~ the feeling of being overwhelmed or surrounded by people that were unable to love me - as I was, as I am. They turned away because it was just too hard a task to deal with all of my unfinished dreams, postponed projects, personal tragedies, and scarred past. Now with a massive globular layer of fat surrounding my body and feeling like my family's past has encased me in boxes of slides ~ I am finding it very hard to count my blessings, very hard to be positive. The weeping starts and will not stop. It is an effort to even breathe.  As I scan each slide ~ the memories once again bring sorrow, anger, and so many other feelings. I know the crying is natural during the mourning process and that I am also so very, very tired. So once again I cry out, "Does anyone see me?!? Can anyone love me NOW?!? Can anyone love this mess that I am today?" The answer comes with a whisper and then a shout... ... ...

John 3:16 ~ " For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son".
Today I go to those scriptures that have helped me in the past:
..."It wasn't so long ago that you were mired in that old stagnant life of sin. You let the world, which doesn't know the first thing about living, tell you how to live. .... .... immense in mercy and with an incredible love, He embraced us. He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ. He did all this on his own, with no help from us! Then he picked us up and set us down in highest heaven in company with Jesus, our Messiah. " Eph. 2:1-6 ... ... ... "God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him" I John 4:19

Once again, God's word to me gets through all the chaos and helps me put what I can't handle aside and focus on what I can do today. The warmth of God's love and acceptance brings life and healing to my life again. 

Lord, please keep reminding me of Your place in my heart and in my life. Let Your love reign over me today and fill me with the peace during this time of sorrow and chaos. In my Savior's name, I pray. Amen.