Less of Me

Hunger and Thirst

It is one of those days. Nothing seems to keep me from the need to binge. What is wrong with me?!?

 

 Well, I know that there is a great deal of emotional stress with any major change. I need something to fill in the empty void. I need something to block the feelings that hurt too much. Food has always been my answer.

 

With God's help and guidance, I have been loosing weight. But on days like today, I am once again shipwrecked on an island of despair and surrounded by unhealthy "saltwater" to drink. That is all I see! (The more you drink saltwater to stop the thirst - the thirstier you get.) For me it is not really saltwater - it is sweets. I get so filled with sorrow, memories that are painful, and compulsive thoughts that race around in my head - that I need something else to replace those things. So I fill up on sweets. But like saltwater - one piece of candy is not enough.

 

I know what I have to do, the only thing that really helps me: ~ Go to God and His word to fill me up, to replace the need for sweets.

Matthew 5:6 says: "Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they shall be filled." NKJV

 

 I really like the Message version of this passage:

"You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God. He's food and drink is the best meal you'll ever eat." WOW!

 

Most of the time I find it easy to "hunger and thirst for righteousness" and I do have an appetite for God and His love. However, I think there is another step in this process that I do not find easy. I must continually empty myself first before I can be "filled" with His glory. That emptying process is constant and it is very difficult for me. Sometimes I want to keep what I am used to: abuse, failure, sorrow, scars, and chaos. I must remember and keep my eyes on the salvation of the Lord.

 "It started when God said, "Light up the darkness!" and our lives filled up with light as we saw and understood God in the face of Christ, all bright and beautiful. If you only look at us, you might well miss the brightness. We carry this precious Message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives. That's to prevent anyone from confusing God's incomparable power with us. As it is, there's not much chance of that. You know for yourselves that we're not much to look at. We've been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we're not demoralized; we're not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; we've been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn't left our side; we've been thrown down, but we haven't broken." 2 Cor. 4:6-11(Message)

So my prayer again today ~ my longing is to be emptied of self; of past abuse, fears,failures, and chaos. Only then can I be filled with God's light and love. I know that if I can do that - I will not be hungry and thirsty again.

 

Lord God, have mercy on me today and every day on this journey to better health physically, emotionally, and spiritually! I am caught in a web of poor eating habits and I am trying to break free. Please help me to empty myself of pride, of self, and yes, help me to leave behind the abused little girl. Fill me with your hope and love so that I can set my feet forward on the road to success, when it comes to controlling my eating. You are worthy to be praised for eternity and it is my desire to spend my life singing your praises and spreading the good news of your loving grace. Through Jesus' name, I make this petition, Amen.

God is Good

Today my eating was somewhat controlled. I did over eat on diet Jello! I stayed busy and I did not worry if I followed the plan exactly.

"Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might."

Listening to my YouTube playlist of Christian music helped me keep my momentum today. There were a few low periods. I am still going through boxes from my parent's house. There is so much to shred but in between 30 year old utility bills are pictures, notes, and other items that someone in the family might want. I think that if I can scan a great deal of the documents, notes, and pictures ~ the family members can pick which information or items that they want to print. That is a task that will have to wait. I am mostly sorting through paper work for garbage, filing, or shredding. At least the boxes that are left will be well labeled and organized. I was not overwhelmed as much today. I cried a few times when I found pictures or notes, but that is OK.

Over all I feel tired but encouraged today. God is so good - all the time!

John 4: 10,13-14 ~ Jesus answered her, "If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water. ... Jesus answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."

I have always loved this passage because so many of the people that Jesus stopped to talk to were broken. He met them by the roadside or under a tree and just began to speak. Everyday settings but unbelievable words of life. The formula for change and eternal life! That we have the gospel to read is a daily feast. I am thankful every day for His word of life. God is good ~ all the time. Psalm 116:5 ~ "How kind the Lord is! How good He is! So merciful, this God of ours!"